Perfectionism Therapy for Women
Do you strive to be perfect?
You work diligently to reach goals and you’ll accept nothing less than one hundred percent. You’re plagued by all-or-nothing thinking and “almost perfect” is seen as a failure. You’re not able to enjoy the process of growing and striving because you are so focused on hitting a goal and avoiding failure.
You have high standards for yourself, even though others may not hold you to those same standards. You’re extremely hard on yourself and feel there is no other way. If you don’t reach a goal, you beat yourself up and struggle to move on.
Because you’ll be disappointed by anything less than perfection, starting or trying something new is difficult. Failure becomes a scary prospect. You might procrastinate because you’re paralyzed by the possibility of doing something imperfectly.
You might be quick to find fault in your work or the work of others.
It slips your mind or you purposely ignore your successes because they do not feel worthy of celebration. Accepting compliments is uncomfortable, and you don’t know how to respond to them.
Maybe you respond defensively to constructive criticism. You fear judgment or disapproval of others. You might be lonely or isolated.
Striving for perfection is exhausting and damaging to our self-esteem and self-worth. It’s an endless pursuit of the impossible. It’s hard to enjoy things when you feel the need to be perfect.
You can break free from perfectionism.
Imagine being able to relax and be present with friends and family. You feel excited about working toward a goal instead of feeling intense pressure. You truly understand that your worth has nothing to do with how well you perform.
You treat yourself with kindness and patience. Fear of failure does not cross your mind, and you’re finally able to enjoy life without the demands of perfection.
Perfection is an endless and impossible quest. You don’t have to chase the illusion of perfection any longer. Help is available, and it’s possible to break this cycle.
Therapy can help perfectionists finally experience freedom
Perfectionism isn’t always someone imposing unrealistic standards onto themselves. It could be someone imposing unrealistic standards onto others. Another form of perfectionism is the perception of unrealistic expectations of perfection from others.
Striving for perfection may result in some of the following negative outcomes:
Procrastination
Avoiding challenges
All-or-nothing thinking
Comparison
Lack of creativity
Perfectionism is driven primarily by internal pressures, such as a fear of failure, feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and adverse childhood experiences. There is likely a social component, too, because perfectionism is often seen, in our culture, as a positive trait that increases your chances of success.
But what’s the difference between striving for excellence and demanding perfection? Those who strive for excellence are achievement-oriented; they desire growth, enjoy being challenged, and problem-solve well. Those who demand perfection are failure-oriented and fear the consequences of what they feel is a failure.
Indicators of Perfectionism
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Setting unrealistically high expectations for yourself and/or others
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Quickly finding fault in one’s own work or the work of others
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Overly critical of mistakes
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Tendency to procrastinate on projects
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Struggling to accept compliments
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Forgetting or having no desire to celebrate one’s successes
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Looking to specific people in their life for approval and/or validation
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Refusing to perform a task unless they know they can do it perfectly
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Not seeing a task as “finished” until the result is perfect according to their standards
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Taking an excessive amount of time to complete a task that does not typically take others as long to complete
Some examples of perfectionism include:
Believing that earning a 98% on a test is a sign of failure
Spending 30 minutes writing and rewriting a two-sentence email
Avoiding trying a new activity with friends out of fear of appearing less than perfect
Keeping an immaculate house
Abandoning an exercise routine if one day is skipped
Since perfection is an impossible quest, it is frequently accompanied by depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders, and even suicidal impulses.
The terms “perfectionist” and “OCD” are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same. Perfectionism is classified as a personality trait characterized by high expectations and standards, while obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a condition where a person experiences intrusive thoughts and/or repetitive behaviors they are unable to control. Perfectionism may or may not be a symptom of OCD.
Therapy Approaches We Use for Deep, Lasting Healing
EMDR Therapy
If past memories still trigger overwhelming emotions, EMDR therapy helps your brain reprocess them in a way that removes their power over you.
IFS Therapy
If part of you wants to heal, but another part resists, Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps you understand and work with these inner conflicts so you feel more balanced.
Individual Therapy
Because trauma isn’t just stored in the mind, but also in the body, specialized individual therapy will help you reconnect with a sense of safety and peace.
Questions or concerns about therapy for perfectionism?
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We can appreciate this concern. We’ve observed the opposite happen! Our clients have become more successful and happier after working on their perfectionist part because they can reach goals, meet deadlines, and try new things without the intense pressure of perfection. We’ve seen clients blossom once they’ve unburdened from the extreme belief in perfection.
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It makes so much sense that a part of you wouldn’t want this to change; it’s probably helped you with such important goals throughout your life.
We view behaviors as ways to protect us, navigate life, and survive.
We will explore the part of you that does not want to change and learn more about your concerns. In doing so, we often come to understand the positive intention of this behavior and can appreciate it in a way that lessens concerns about change.
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Yes! More often than not, our clients can’t identify the “source” of their struggle…and that’s okay! There are so many factors that can impact perfectionism.
We use evidence-based modalities that allow you to “connect the dots,” gain a deeper understanding of your internal and external experiences, and get to the “root” of your issues so you can heal and find long-term relief instead of having to use coping skills for long-term maintenance.
EMPWR blends EMDR and Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help women break free from past pain and step into their most empowered selves.
But beyond the techniques, she’s created a space where you can feel truly seen and heard—without judgment, without pressure. But more than techniques, she believes therapy is about creating a space where you can be fully seen and heard. Her compassionate, evidence-based approach empowers you to move forward with confidence.