Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy in Michigan
Understand the different parts of you so you can respond with clarity, compassion, and self-trust
When Part of You Knows Better, But Another Part Still Takes Over
Many of the women who come to therapy already understand their patterns logically. You probably know that people-pleasing is exhausting, that perfectionism sets impossible standards, or that you deserve to set boundaries, but when the moment comes, something inside still takes over.
You might say yes when you meant to say no, spiral into self-criticism after a small mistake, or replay conversations in your mind long after they are over. These reactions can feel confusing, especially when part of you recognizes that you want to respond differently.
Internal Family Systems therapy helps us understand why these internal conflicts happen. Rather than assuming something is wrong with you, IFS recognizes that different parts of you have developed over time to help you cope with difficult experiences.
IFS is based on the idea that the mind is naturally made up of different parts, and that this is actually a healthy and normal way for our minds to organize experience. Each of us has internal parts that carry particular emotions, beliefs, and roles. These parts often developed to help us navigate difficult experiences or relationships earlier in life.
IFS therapists operate from the belief that there are no bad parts, only parts that were forced into protective roles. Even the parts that show up as anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or self-criticism are ultimately trying to help in some way.
Many people already speak in this kind of “parts language” without realizing it. You might hear yourself say something like, “Part of me really wants to find a new job, but another part of me is terrified to leave.” In that moment, you are already noticing the different parts of yourself that want different things.
IFS therapy helps us get curious about those internal parts rather than judging or fighting them. As we begin to understand what each part is trying to protect, those patterns often soften and shift naturally.
What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an evidence-based model of psychotherapy that helps us understand and harmonize the mind. Although the name can be a little misleading, “family systems” refers to the complexity of our inner world rather than our external family and can be used with individuals, couples, and families.
How Healing Happens in IFS
IFS also recognizes that underneath all of our parts is a steady, grounded presence known as the Self. The Self isn’t another part of you; it’s the calm, clear place within you that naturally carries qualities like curiosity, compassion, confidence, creativity, and courage.
When therapy helps you access this place within yourself, something important begins to shift. Instead of feeling controlled by anxiety, self-criticism, or people-pleasing, you begin to relate to those parts with more understanding and leadership.
As those parts feel understood rather than judged, they no longer have to work so hard to protect you. Over time, this allows your system to settle and creates space for new ways of responding that feel more authentic and grounded.
Like the sun, the Self can be temporarily obstructed, but it never disappears.
Parts obstruct the self, oftentimes because they do not know the Self or trust it enough to protect the system. Much of the work in IFS is focused on addressing the concerns of the Managers and Firefighters so that they feel comfortable enough to step back so the Self can help heal the exiles.
IFS helps people heal by accessing and loving their protective and wounded inner parts by changing the dynamics that create discord among parts and the Self, allowing its leadership qualities to shine through. As a bonus, people are more accepting of, and less reactive to, others who used to bother them; you can relate to them with compassion because you’re able to do that with parts of you that resemble them.
Why Many Women Find IFS Different from Therapy They’ve Tried Before
Many of the women who reach out to me are thoughtful and insightful. They often already understand their patterns logically, yet still feel stuck in the same reactions.
They might know why they people-please, why they struggle with perfectionism, or why certain situations trigger anxiety. But insight alone doesn’t always create the emotional shift they are hoping for.
IFS allows us to slow down and understand what is happening inside you in a much more direct way. Rather than trying to override or control your reactions, we become curious about the parts of you that developed to protect you and the experiences they are carrying.
As those parts begin to feel understood and supported, many clients notice that the patterns they have struggled with for years begin to soften. They often describe feeling calmer, more grounded, and more able to respond in ways that feel authentic to them.
The Parts Many Women Begin to Recognize
As we begin this work together, many clients start to notice familiar parts within themselves, such as:
a people-pleasing part that works hard to keep others comfortable
a perfectionistic part that pushes you to get everything exactly right
an anxious part that constantly scans for what might go wrong
a critical part that judges your mistakes harshly
a shutdown part that withdraws when situations feel overwhelming
These parts often developed to protect something more vulnerable underneath them. In many cases, they are connected to earlier experiences where emotional needs were dismissed, where expressing feelings felt unsafe, or where you learned that keeping others happy was the best way to maintain connection.
IFS therapy allows us to understand and support these protective parts while also caring for the experiences they have been carrying.
Why IFS Is So Powerful for Long-Standing Patterns
Many people come to therapy already understanding their patterns intellectually. They may know why they struggle with anxiety, why they tend to people-please, or why they become highly self-critical.
However, insight alone does not always change how your nervous system responds in real time.
Internal Family Systems allows us to move beyond simply talking about patterns and instead work directly with the parts of you that developed to cope with earlier experiences.
As these parts begin to feel understood and supported, the reactions that once felt automatic often begin to shift.
Clients frequently describe this change as having more space between what happens and how they respond. Rather than feeling taken over by anxiety, self-criticism, or people-pleasing, they begin to experience more choice in how they respond.
What Begins to Shift
As you build a different relationship with the parts of yourself that developed to cope, many clients begin to notice meaningful changes in their daily lives. Over time, you may begin to experience:
Responding thoughtfully instead of reacting automatically
Setting boundaries without becoming overwhelmed by guilt
Feeling calmer and less emotionally reactive
Trusting your decisions more fully
Experiencing less harsh self-criticism
Feeling more present and connected in relationships
Understanding the deeper reasons behind your patterns
Feeling more connected to yourself
These shifts occur not because you are forcing yourself to think differently, but because the parts of you that once felt responsible for protecting you no longer need to carry that burden in the same way.
To better illustrate this idea, consider this analogy from the book The Internal Family Systems Model by IFS Founder Richard C. Schwartz.
“Let’s think of your anger as one of your children. Suppose you had a son whom you couldn’t control and he threw tantrums every night. That would be bad enough, but suppose that because those tantrums drove you crazy, you constantly criticized him and tried to keep him locked in his room for fear that he’d embarrass you in public. You stayed home on weekends to make sure he didn’t run away and felt like a terrible parent because of his behavior. Suppose also that all of your reactions just made the tantrums worse because he sensed that you’d like to be rid of him. Because of the way you relate to your son, the problem comes to consume your life. The same is true with our extreme emotions and irrational beliefs - they’re difficult enough, but the way we try to handle them often exacerbates them and makes our lives miserable” (Schwartz 4).
Integrating Internal Family Systems and EMDR
While Internal Family Systems is the primary framework I use in therapy, I also integrate EMDR when its helpful.
IFS helps us understand the parts of you that developed to cope with earlier experiences. EMDR can then help process the experiences those parts are working hard to protect.
Together, these approaches allow us to address the root of long-standing emotional patterns rather than focusing only on managing symptoms on the surface.
Therapy That Goes Beyond Surface-Level Solutions
Many of the women who reach out to my practice have already spent years trying to understand their patterns. They’ve read the books, listened to podcasts, and have been to therapy before.
What they’re often looking for is a deeper level of understanding and change.
Internal Family Systems therapy allows us to slow down and explore what is actually happening beneath the surface. Rather than rushing toward solutions, we take the time to understand the patterns that developed and the experiences that shaped them so that meaningful and lasting change can occur.
All therapy sessions are conducted virtually for clients located in Michigan and Georgia. Sessions in my practice typically last 90 minutes so that we have enough time to explore what is coming up and engage in deeper work without feeling rushed.
FAQs
Other questions about Internal Family Systems therapy? I’ve got answers.
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Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapy model that helps people understand the different parts of themselves that developed to cope with life experiences. By building a compassionate relationship with these parts, long-standing patterns such as anxiety, people-pleasing, and self-criticism can begin to shift.
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IFS therapy is often helpful for individuals who are experiencing anxiety, emotional overwhelm, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and relationship patterns that seem to repeat. It can also support people who feel disconnected from themselves or who struggle to trust their decisions.
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Yes. Internal Family Systems is a well-researched therapy approach that has been shown to be effective for a variety of concerns, including trauma, anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties.
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Traditional talk therapy often focuses on understanding thoughts and behaviors. Internal Family Systems goes deeper by helping you work directly with the parts of yourself that developed to cope with earlier experiences. This allows change to occur not only intellectually, but also emotionally and physiologically.
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Yes. Internal Family Systems therapy works very well through secure telehealth sessions. Many clients find that being in the comfort of their own environment allows them to feel more relaxed and present during the work. I offer virtual therapy for clients located in Michigan and Georgia.
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The length of therapy varies depending on your goals and the patterns we are working through. Some clients notice meaningful shifts within a few sessions, while others engage in longer-term work to address deeper experiences. Sessions in my practice are typically 90 minutes so that we have adequate time for meaningful exploration.
You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck in the Same Patterns
If you’re ready to better understand the patterns that keep showing up in your life and begin responding in a way that feels more grounded and authentic, therapy can help.