Gaslighting, Narcissism & the Danger of Buzzwords in Mental Health Conversations

Every. Day. Instagram reels, TikTok, Reddit threads— you’ll hear someone talking about gaslighting or calling someone a narcissist. As a therapist, I love that people are becoming more aware of emotional abuse and toxic relationship dynamics. Being able to name what you’re going through is empowering, especially if you've spent years doubting your own experience.

But here’s the thing— it’s gotten a little too easy to throw these words around. And when we do that without fully understanding them, it can actually cause more harm than good.

Let’s talk about what these words really mean

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse when someone manipulates you into questioning your own reality. It’s not just disagreeing with your opinion or remembering something differently— it’s a repeated, intentional pattern that chips away at your self-trust.

I had a client that thought her partner was gaslighting her because he denied being upset. Woah there. Let’s talk about this.

Examples of What Isn’t Gaslighting:

• A partner says they’re not upset, even if you sense they are.
  → This could be avoidance, discomfort with emotions, or difficulty opening up— but it’s not necessarily manipulation intended to make you question your reality.

• Someone remembers an event differently than you do.
  → People have different perspectives and memories. Unless they’re repeatedly and intentionally trying to distort facts to confuse you, this is probably just human.

• A friend disagrees with your interpretation of a situation.
  → Healthy disagreement is normal. Gaslighting involves denying your reality to make you feel unstable—not just holding a different opinion.

• Your partner doesn’t understand why something upset you.
  → Lack of empathy or emotional awareness isn’t the same as gaslighting. Misattunement is common in relationships and can be worked on in therapy.

• Someone changes their mind or behavior without explaining.
  → This might cause emotional whiplash, but unless they’re deliberately trying to confuse or control you, it doesn’t meet the threshold for gaslighting.

Examples of Gaslighting:

• “That never happened. You’re imagining things.”
  → Even when you know something happened, the other person repeatedly insists it didn’t to make you doubt your memory or sanity.

• “You’re too sensitive. You’re always overreacting.”
  → Instead of addressing the impact of their actions, they flip it back on you, invalidating your feelings and making you question your emotional responses.

• Hiding or moving objects and then denying it.
  → This is a more covert tactic to make you second-guess your perceptions or memory.

• Blaming you for their behavior.
  → “I wouldn’t have to yell if you weren’t so difficult.” They make you feel responsible for their mistreatment.

• Changing the story repeatedly.
  → They may give different versions of events every time you bring something up, keeping you confused and uncertain about what’s real.

Narcissism, especially when referring to narcissistic personality disorder, is a diagnosable condition. It goes way beyond being self-centered or difficult. We're talking about persistent behaviors like a lack of empathy, grandiosity, and manipulation.

These are serious terms. And when they’re used casually or incorrectly, we start to blur the lines between true emotional abuse and everyday conflict.

Why the buzz can be dangerous

I get it. Labels help us make sense of messy relationship patterns, especially when we’ve felt confused, hurt, or unseen. But here’s what can happen when terms like “gaslighting” and “narcissist” become everyday buzzwords:

• Real trauma gets dismissed: When everyone is “being gaslit,” it makes it harder for survivors of actual emotional abuse to feel believed and validated.

• Normal relationship issues get pathologized: Disagreements, mistakes, and imperfect communication are part of being human. They don’t always mean someone is toxic.

• It shuts down growth: Slapping a label on someone can keep us from having honest conversations or doing the deeper healing work we need ourselves.

The role of social media

I recently got on the Instagram bandwagon - I know, I’m over a decade late, but it’s been so interesting to dive into mental health content. There is SO MUCH out there— some of it really helpful— but a lot of it oversimplifies complicated dynamics or is simply not accurate. It’s easy to get swept up in 30-second videos that tell you to cut someone off or label your ex as a narcissist. But healing takes more than hot takes and hashtags.

What to do instead

Here’s how you can keep your mental health awareness grounded and helpful:

• Get curious, not just quick to label: Ask yourself, “Is this a pattern of emotional manipulation, or a hard moment that needs better communication?”

• Use clear, descriptive language: Instead of jumping to “You’re gaslighting me,” try “I feel really confused when our conversations go in circles.”

• Talk to a therapist: If something doesn’t feel right in a relationship, trust your gut—and get support from a licensed professional. Therapy gives you space to process without pressure.

• Remember that healing is personal: Everyone’s story is different. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to emotional health.

At EMPWR Transformative Therapy, I work with women across Michigan who are ready to move from confusion to clarity in their relationships—with themselves and others. Whether you’re processing past trauma, navigating toxic patterns, or just feeling stuck, therapy can help you find your voice again.

Curious about working together? Schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation to explore if we’re the right fit.